Cigarettes & Whiskey

I like pretty things and sports


Paul McCartney tells a dirty joke. [x]

There’s this guy who gets lost in Ireland and it’s the middle of the night. So he’s looking for some sign of life and he sees up on the hill, he sees a little house with lights on. So he follows this long fence up to the top of the hill and he realises it’s a pub, goes into the pub. It’s completely empty except for the barman. So he goes up to the bar and he says ‘Pint of Guinness, please’.
The barman says ‘Certainly, sir. Pint of Guinness.’
As he’s pulling it, he says ‘Did you notice that fence as you came up?’
He says ‘Yeah, I did. Nice. I followed it up, actually. Nice, straight fence’.
He said ‘I made that fence myself. So do they call me Jones The Fence-maker? No!’
So he gets his drinks and he starts drinking his Guinness and the guy says ‘Do you like this bar? It’s mahogany, I made that myself.’
‘It’s a very nice bar actually. You made that yourself? Fantastic.’
He says, ‘And do they call me Jones The Bar-maker? No! What do you think of that Guinness, do you think I’ve pulled it well?’
‘It’s a very well pulled pint, yes I love that.’
‘But do they call me Jones The Guinness-puller? No! But you fuck one goat!’

(via fuckyeahthefabfour)


Jim Parsons is the cutest cuddly toy on earth and feels terrible when he drops buckets of ice cold water on people, even if it’s for charity. (◡‿◡✿)

(via youremystorysam)